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Sunday, July 15, 2007

When Things Go Wrong, Support Networks Grow Strong

We have had a very bad week. In need of help and support, I discovered that my pride was too great to ask for help. Lucky for me, two wonderful friends recognised my need and came around to help me cope with an external situation that was tearing our family into three (or ten, or seventy).

I (we, DH says he has too) have spent many evenings in bed reflecting (again) on the importance of talking to close support networks. While I teach this stuff and understand the significance of being surrounded by supports, I found myself not calling in my supports because I didn't want to trouble them, stress them, or add more to their busy days. I was also very arrogant and thought that others would not find the situation as bad and soul destroying as I did. Therefore they wouldn't understand my inner turmoil and need.

Somebody slap me! Support networks are there to offer support - even if they don't understand the protracted and acrimonious history of an issue. I care for the people: friends, I support - I care not for a boring factual and unemotional account that leaves out impact and affect. I am always happy and eager to lend a hand, an ear or a boot up the backside (metaphorical of course). I don't need to know a chronology of events - I just need to know that somebody on my network requires my objective support.

So....I am sorry that I have not been around blogging and visiting this week.
Personal circumstances here have taken my time away from structured teaching, recording Boy's learning and my online child safety conversation. To both Keren and Rebekah, and later in the evening my daughter Jade, who dropped everything to come to be with us, thank you. Your actions are appreciated by our entire extended family. Next time, I will not wait for so long to ask for support - especially a cup of coffee, a chat, and an airing of my fears in times on non need.

Life is back to normal as of tomorrow (is it ever normal in our house!!!!!!). Boy will be back from an extended weekend at his Dad's and suffering my home school lessons, husband will be at work and I will be holding onto my lesson - support networks are there to be used to prevent crisis times rather than to only use in crisis times!!!!!!!

And some additional good from all of this - I have met our neighbors from across the road. Both high school teachers, they were fascinated and supportive of our home schooling and related stories of where kids with special needs fall through the academic gap. They are just lovely people, have a son that Boy can play with and a pressure that I can also offer them some support around.

Life is good - I couldn't have said that on Wednesday!


Elisheva Hannah Levin said...

You know, Megan, it's interesting.
I too tend to minimize my need for support from good friends and family. Sometimes, I have avoided getting support because I was afraid that I was being too dramatic or too emotional.

I wonder if there is a little AS (or rather BAP) in parents of AS kids, too!

I am happy that you saw the light and found the support network you needed. After all, you are in a new marriage, raising a child with AS (I don't know about you, but I tend to minimize the impact of that, too!), and you have a lot of responsibilities.

Also, the end of a vacation or break is often a difficult transition for any family. And AS compounds that, too!

Much love to you, and I am glad you are getting back to a semblance of normality.

Jaycee said...

I know it's hard to ask for help when you need it most and it's even harder when you've got that feeling of despair. I'm glad friends came to your rescue and I hope they said to call next time you need help. I'm sure they, and others are glad to help.
Here's a blog of a women who homeschools her son with Aspergers, you might find interesting.

Megan Bayliss said...

Elisheva and Jaycee - my arms still have goosebumps from the potency of your words.
Thank you, both of you.
It was a dreadful time for us all but we muddled through with the support of friends and family.

Yes, E, I agree, there does appear to be a degree of learned ASD behaviour in us parents.

Jaycee - I'm off to visit the other home school aspergers site you've provided. Safety in numbers and all that......

Robin @ Heart of Wisdom said...

Good points. One wonders if Little House on the Parrie Days were better becasue folks were closer.

I had a pretty rough week too--but only physically (open heart surgery) but lots of family friends were there with words of encouragement and lifting me in prayer. Spiritually it was a great week!

People NEED people

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