Broken and disturbed sleep makes mother cranky and Boy intolerable. Every time stepfather goes away on business, Boy’s insomnia increases. I appreciate that it is the changed routine and increased anxiety about stepfather’s safety but gee it’s hard to manage and find balance: to work and to home school when we’ve both had minimal sleep.
On the eve of stepfather’s return, Boy slept well. Maybe the medication is beginning to work or perhaps Boy has some comfort in knowing step dad will be safely home tonight. Regardless, Boy awoke in a happy mood ready to go to the movies and complete his Tuesday movie review. Problem!
I have a mini training booked today for a local foster care agency. Without another adult home to stay with Boy, he has to come to the training on Life Story Work with me. This is not unusual for my children. They have often assisted me in the facilitation of my training programs and they loan real examples of how effective child focused tools are.
Boy has decided that he really does not want to come, he wants to go to the movies: he wants to do his schoolwork just as he is supposed to do. The problem is that the movie he wants to see is on at times overlapping with the mid day training I am facilitating and then again in the late afternoon. Following the training, I have a client: right at the time of the next movie screening. I can’t cancel the training at last minute so what to do???
When we undertook home schooling, we did it because it was the best thing for Boy, not for us. We agreed that Boy’s special needs took priority and that his education was of huge value. I knew that my workload (and income) would be cut by half (we school in the mornings and I see clients in the afternoon).
Going back to these original decisions on why we home school, the answer to “what to do” became very clear. I rescheduled my afternoon client so that I can take Boy to the movies and help him with a movie review. That is my most important job.
I require the income from employment because I carry sexually transmitted debt from a previous marriage. However, as a compromise, I now work part time counseling and consulting from home and I am surrounded by a terrific support network to help with Boy’s needs. On the days when my support network is unavailable, Boy, not work, remains my top priority. Debt will always be there, Boy will not.
My actions have not only prevented a potential Aspergers melt down but have also shown Boy that he has value, worth and that compromise can bring around a win/win situation.
How do you manage to balance home schooling with earning a living?
It is pouring here. The monsoons (wet season) have finally set in. Steam is rising from the roads as heat is released and I forgot to switch our solar hot water to electricity booster. Rainy days equals cold water for the showering!!!
Children with Asperger's often don’t cope well with change. Our endlessly wet days are a change that Boy is struggling with. He has slept badly over the weekend. The smells, sounds and colours from outside are different. Although his favorite past time is his computer (an inside activity), the wild electrical storms have at times mandated everything being unplugged from the walls.
Oh dear oh me: The changes that the rest of us take for granted and just live with! Boy has awoken, late, in a weird mood. He is as jumpy as a cat and his eyes are darting around the place ensuring that at least the inside of his home has remained the same.
Monday is the day Boy spends with his youth worker. These hours are counted as home schooling because Boy and Youth Worker concentrate on elements of emotional intelligence and life skills. Unfortunately the Youth Worker has had to change his times for this afternoon. Although Boy is aware of the change and understands the reasons behind it, he keeps seeking reassurance of the new pick-up time.
Thank goodness, I don’t have to serve Boy up a plateful of learning this morning. I have a sense that he is a thunderstorm waiting to erupt because he has gone into stimulus overload.
On this point, what do you other home schoolers do on days where you know that learning retention is likely to be low? Do you remain dogmatic in your endeavors to school or do you just allow some days to float by? My preference is for the latter but I don’t want Boy to think that he can force a “sick day” by displaying overload.
Note: Just for those who may not know, in our far north part of Australia we have only two seasons: the wet and the dry.
Photo courtesy of supajem at SXC Photo Exchange.
The business of asperger’s and anxiety is alive and well in our home today. Boy went cable skiing with stepfather yesterday and had a great time. However, as always seems to occur, he gets so tired from the over stimulation that he melts down like an ice cube beside a barbeque.
House inspection, creating a website, playing on-line games, obsessions about “what’s for dinner” (from breakfast until now at 3pm mind you) and a late afternoon meeting with his youth worker has been too much for him to process.
In preparation for his youth work hours, I ironed his favourite shirt. That was the trigger he needed. I should have known he wanted to wear the red shirt that was too small for him. Who says it’s too small? Who says it needs ironing? Who says you’re the boss? Oh dear! He’s gone off happily with his amazingly attentive youth worker and I’m left shaking in shock.
I take stock in knowing that families do survive Asperger’s. I enjoy knowing that we have recreated a life where we no longer sweat the small (or big) stuff. I take comfort in knowing that my son has a gifted and brilliant mind. It is my job as his parent to help him navigate this world that demands certain behaviours and social standards for those from the wrong planet.
He’s right you know. Who cares about his shirt? He left the house wearing my shoes!!!!!!
Anxiety has a strong hold on boy child this morning. It is like a crocodile in its attack, it grabs him frequently and I try many different creative strategies to keep it at bay. The anxiety appears to make the aspergic tendencies worse.
To prevent a melt down, we agreed that if he stays home today, he will have to attend school tomorrow on what would normally be his home school day. He has not refused to go to school today but he is convinced that he is sick in the stomach and that he will only have to come home today anyway. Fine, I’m without a car until 2.30pm so if school calls I cannot go to get him.
In the interests of not sweating the small stuff, we are all comfortable with the home day today. He had an anxiety provoking discussion with his older brother and myself last night about his other home (I’m divorced from his father). Although he appeared to cope well with the discussion, the free-floating anxiety attaches itself to school and he becomes paranoid about, well, anything really.
Boy just cannot cope with change, no matter how small or “normal” the change is. In addition to last night’s discussion, his teacher was away yesterday. Add to that that we told him that stepfather would have to pick him up early so that I could have the car in time to get to my 3pm appointment. Too many changes, too many unknowns for him.
It is so very hard trying to earn a living, maintain my career and do what’s best for my child with Aspergers. I am now at the stage of wishing the New Year in so that we can establish our new routine and learn how to cope on reduced income with boy at home all the time.
So… he’s currently playing the PS2 and I’m a nervous wreck waiting for the paranoia and yelling to begin. The fights do my head in and I then have difficulty staying focused on my work.
Am I being selfish? Should I just cut my losses now and cancel all work tasks immediately? How do you other parents manage Aspergers and work?
Here's an article I wrote after a particularly bad day: Living with Autism. I re read it, often, to remind me of our forward movement and that there is always light at the end of the anxiety and meltdown blackouts. The article is the raw me - honest, hurt and fiercely protective of my child with Aspergers.
Broken and disturbed sleep makes mother cranky and Boy intolerable. Every time stepfather goes away on business, Boy’s insomnia increases. I appreciate that it is the changed routine and increased anxiety about stepfather’s safety but gee it’s hard to manage and find balance: to work and to home school when we’ve both had minimal sleep.
