When should we tell of our home schooling decision?

Boy child does not yet know that we intend to do full time home schooling next year. We currently have an arrangement with his school where he is home schooled on Mondays and Fridays and attends at his enrolled school on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. He often flatly refuses to attend school during his three-day week and nothing, NOTHING, will change his mind. So, he gets to stay home. I cancel my clients for the day and sit with him while he completes two work sheets or works on a project.

Although the school has been supportive, encouraging and accommodating, the physical attendance in a classroom is not working for our child. School produces a high anxiety level in him and he melts down way too quick. In the class and play ground, he often refuses to participate. He yells at people, becomes obsessive with his mindset of the day and is grossly unhappy with doing his schoolwork. The stress for him, for his teacher, peers, and for us, is just not worth it.

Although I have discussed our plan with the school, boy child knows nothing of it yet. My husband and I cannot agree on the best time to tell him. My husband wants to wait until after the New Year. I want to tell him now. Husband’s reasons are fear based: if we tell him now, he may refuse to go back to the school at all and there’s only three weeks left until end of term. My reasons are Aspergers focused: he does not cope with change so needs preparation and he needs to be able to say goodbye to his mates but still know they will remain his mates.

It is such a difficult decision about the best time to tell him. We find ourselves catching moments of whispered conversation lest boy child cottons onto something afoot. I am stifled in my telephone conversations when attempting to seek information and arrange resources for next year. It seems that every time I sneak the phone outside to make a call, boy child arrives beside me.

My policy has always been, “no secrets,” and I’m feeling uncomfortable holding knowledge that he has no idea of, yet directly affects him. When do you think we should tell him?