Anxiety or Aspergers?

Anxiety has a strong hold on boy child this morning. It is like a crocodile in its attack, it grabs him frequently and I try many different creative strategies to keep it at bay. The anxiety appears to make the aspergic tendencies worse.

To prevent a melt down, we agreed that if he stays home today, he will have to attend school tomorrow on what would normally be his home school day. He has not refused to go to school today but he is convinced that he is sick in the stomach and that he will only have to come home today anyway. Fine, I’m without a car until 2.30pm so if school calls I cannot go to get him.

In the interests of not sweating the small stuff, we are all comfortable with the home day today. He had an anxiety provoking discussion with his older brother and myself last night about his other home (I’m divorced from his father). Although he appeared to cope well with the discussion, the free-floating anxiety attaches itself to school and he becomes paranoid about, well, anything really.

Boy just cannot cope with change, no matter how small or “normal” the change is. In addition to last night’s discussion, his teacher was away yesterday. Add to that that we told him that stepfather would have to pick him up early so that I could have the car in time to get to my 3pm appointment. Too many changes, too many unknowns for him.

It is so very hard trying to earn a living, maintain my career and do what’s best for my child with Aspergers. I am now at the stage of wishing the New Year in so that we can establish our new routine and learn how to cope on reduced income with boy at home all the time.

So… he’s currently playing the PS2 and I’m a nervous wreck waiting for the paranoia and yelling to begin. The fights do my head in and I then have difficulty staying focused on my work.

Am I being selfish? Should I just cut my losses now and cancel all work tasks immediately? How do you other parents manage Aspergers and work?

Here's an article I wrote after a particularly bad day: Living with Autism. I re read it, often, to remind me of our forward movement and that there is always light at the end of the anxiety and meltdown blackouts. The article is the raw me - honest, hurt and fiercely protective of my child with Aspergers.