How to be a STAR Problem Solver

Participation in the Youth Group focusing on anger management and self-esteem issues is providing Boy with valuable interpersonal resources. Despite this being my professional field (I am a child therapist), I am first and foremost a mother. There is no way Boy would accept training from me if he thinks it has anything to do with my work.

Emotional Intelligence is happening big time across the key learning area of Health and Physical Education. Boy spoke volumes last night on the STAR Problem Solving model. The model has come from Boy's Talk: A program for young men about masculinity, non-violence and relationships.

1. Stop and Recognise
   Do I have a problem?
   What is the problem?
   How is my body affected?
   What feelings am I showing?
   What feelings am I keeping to myself?
   
   
2. Think and Communicate
   What do I want to happen?
   What do others want to happen?
   What are the facts of the situation?
   What are my beliefs and opinions about the situation?
   Have I observed, gathered and remembered all the facts?
   Have I clearly expressed my feelings and thoughts?
   What are some different solutions and their consequences?
   Are the consequences safe for and respectful to others?
   Have I consulted others affected about the range of solutions?
   What is the best solution?
   


3. Act.
   Choose the best solution.
   Take action.
   Choose to go back to 'stop and recognise' again if there is no best solution.
   


4. Review
   Observe the consequences.
   If there are no satisfactory consequences go back to step 1.

Happy that he now has a plan to attach his problem solving thinking to, Boy was keen to blu tack the STAR poster to the wall. Yip Yah!!!!!!!!!!! Between that and the rules of Fair Fighting hopefully the Asperger's meltdowns will be easier to manage and leave us all less traumatised.

If ever I have doubts about home schooling Boy, I just need to remind myself of the massive leaps we have already made in emotional intelligence and calm learning. These two things alone are worthy of massive celebration in Boy's journey of home education. I LOVE home schooling. It works perfectly for Boy.

English and Maths: Today we are having the Kinetic Education software installed. As of tomorrow Boy will begin at least three Math sessions a week based on the Kinetic curricula. I intend to fully check their English program and design my own lesson plans to assist Boy to reach an entry level standard for the computer based program from Kinetic. Maths he does with little difficulty. English, well, that's just another potential meltdown waiting to happen.

Movie Review for English: Boy still owes a review from last week. I took him to see Norbit and he loved it. Boy told me he would rate it ten out of ten. While I was away over the weekend, Step Dad took Boy to see it again. Apparently the two of them never stopped laughing. Today Boy is keen to see either Wild Hogs or Hot Fuzz. Oh he's going to scream when I insist he writes up both reviews. Perhaps as a compromise I will suggest that he write only one review and clean his bedroom. The cleaning will be less acceptable than writing a movie review so I'm fairly confident that we'll get two written pieces of work.

Does anybody try making their own movies or short films for home school learning? I'd love to hear about it.

Fighting Fair in Africa with Sleepy Lush Products.

I came home from Brisbane loaded with helpful, sleep inducing goodies for Boy…I think we must be one of Lush’s best customers. I never walk out of their stores with under $100.00 worth of sleepy dream products. This time I have bought some new ones for boy: a natural massage bar infused with Lavender and a tin of Temple Balm for Boy to rub into his temples and to dab under his nose to assist him drift off to the land of nod. He sure is the best smelling and cleanest person in the house.

Spelling: The plane trip home from Brisbane afforded me some time to reflect on spelling words that Boy needs to know. This term we are spending time getting to know our community. Whereas Boy knows the names of towns surrounding us he does not know how to spell them. Hence our list of ten contains: Mungalli Falls, Cairns, Brisbane, Townsville, Port Douglas, Great Barrier Reef, Mossman Gorge, Lakeland Downs, Cooktown, and Edge Hill. Boy has visited all of these places but does he know how to spell them in order to Google them for additional information??? Well, he got six out of ten with our first spelling test this morning and did he carry on about the list being greater than 10 words. He reasoned that Great Barrier Reef should count as three words for example. If I could have sent him to the detention room I would have!!!!! When I started on about proper nouns needing capital letters I knew I had gone too far. I'm surprised I didn't have the Lush massage bar thrown at me!

Geography: Gillian’s Africa challenge beckoned us. I printed out the map and Boy and I studied the names of the many African countries. I was able to tell Boy the odd anecdotal story about some of the African countries and impart tidbits of knowledge regarding Boy favored movies set in African countries. Boy now wants to visit the Seychelles and find pirate treasure. The Seychelles has been on my to visit immediately list for the last 20 years (not for treasure hunting). Unfortunately, “visit immediately” has always been superseded by “immediate responsibility” in paying bills and caring for a large family. Perhaps Boy's weekly spelling account (we pay him 20 cents per correct spelling word on every Friday's spelling test) will be able to shout me a trip because the cost of our impending wedding is suggestive of a frugal and grounded lifestyle for the next year!!!!

Monday is Youth Group day where Boy tackles issues of anger management, self-esteem and group social skills (falls under Health and Physical Education). Last week they covered the rules of fair fighting:

• Be willing to fix the problem,


• Say what the problem is for you,


• Listen to what the problem is for them,


• Attack the problem, not the person,


• Look for answers so everyone gets what they need.
  

Fouls to fighting fair include:

• Name calling,


• Put downs,


• Sneering or blaming,


• Threats or hitting,


• Bring up the past,


• Making excuses,


• Not listening,


• Getting even.

I teach the above rules for fair fighting to many of my counseling clients and as training material for my university students. Somewhat surprised that Boy came home with the same handout from the Conflict Resolution Network that I use, I was impressed that the youth group organizers are concentrating on issues of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is something we are working hard at instilling in boy. Our philosophy is that while it is admirable to have academic intelligence, academic learning is but one area to concentrate on. Life skills, knowing yourself and valuing other people are core areas of educational focus for us.

Do you include any emotional intelligence in your home school learning?

The Flying Home Schooler: Africa, Cairns, Brisbane.

Gillian from the School of St Jude's has posted a Countries of Africa Challenge! The interactive map of Africa allows you to first view the named countries and then enter a timed count down site to name as many of the African countries as you can remember. It's a groovy way to teach geography to people of all ages. Boy and I are going to get into it on my return from Brisbane.

Brisbane...yes, well!!! At extremely short notice and on my only free weekend with Boy and partner before our wedding in the rainforest, I have to do an emergency and family related trip to Brisbane. Brisbane is our capital city and is a two and a half hour plane trip from where we live in Cairns (see the map for an idea of distance). The shock of my departure has unsettled Boy who is unable to cope well with any change.

I am leaving today while Boy is unwell and I am feeling anxious for him. Step father is highly capable and thank goodness he is free to look after Boy. Yesterday Boy slept for the majority of the Day. I wrongly thought that I had tired him out with our animal audit. No, Boy has spiked a temperature and has pains in his neck and back.

Living in the tropics means a whole host of wonderfully exotic diseases and fungal infections. Being highly analytical I am this morning having to stop my stinkin' thinkin' about what possible tropical illness Boy may have picked up. Poor kid, we over sported him and he ended up with Achilles Tendinitis and I would hate to think that in my endeavour to educate Boy with the most interesting and stimulating home school activities I have exposed him to some other tropical animal germy misfit. Who knows, he may just have a cold coming on. I worry far too much. Wouldn't you think that by the time I got to the fourth child that I'd be a bit more relaxed around the kids getting sick.

I'll see you all on my return. No matter where you are in the world, stay safe.

Map of Australia courtesy of Trailmaster.

A Sleepy Village Boy in the Home School Lounge.

Boy's sleep disorder is all over the place. He says he slept poorly last night and he has been up (me too...arrrrrgh!) since 4 AM. After yesterday's animal audit, we intended spending some more time in the garden discovering what bugs are living beneath the composted cardboard. I also had an alternate plan to get Boy to help me with some weeding.

Boy must have known of my evil weeding lesson plan because just as I was ready to enter the sunshine for some natural learning, Boy fell asleep on the couch. There he still lays, peaceful and innocent. Should I wake him. NO WAY! I'm getting so much paper work completed that I want to continue my roll.

If we were traditional schooling, Boy would have had trouble at school today and they probably would have rung me to come and get him. So, in home school generosity and eagerness to clear my own work back log, Boy is having a day off school. This is only the second day off since we started home schooling (the first day off was because of us, not him, and we at least managed some art and craft).

Today is not a totally lost home school day either. In our usual routine, Boy began with his weekly spelling list. Finally, finally, he got 100%. For this alone I think he deserves the rest of the day off. Well done Boy, now just stay asleep for one more hour please.

An Inspiring Neighbourhood Animal Audit

Today is Math day. In preparation for step father's lesson, Boy and I decided to do an audit of animals (I suggested we do flowers but Boy near puked at the thought) in our neighbourhood. What a fun way to inspire Boy and to approach concepts of Math. I was actually inspired after reading A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That posted over at Ragamuffin Studies. Elisheva's descriptions of the spiders and animals in her area resonated with me as a learning experience and further inspired me to share what we see on a daily basis.

Here's a few of the Australian animals we live with and were audit inspired by.

Sun Bird. Ms and Mr Sunbird nest on our back verandah every year. The nest stays hanging year after year with the odd maintenance occurring prior to them laying eggs. A popular food source for snakes, we keep a protective eye on our little sun birds.

Scrub Turkey. When Boy was little his nick name was scrub turkey. They are plentiful and become almost domesticated. Boy loves them and would allow them in the house if he could get away with it. For more information about the amazing Scrub Turkey, see this article we wrote just before Christmas: The Christmas Turkey is moving.

Black Cockatoo. Beautiful and incredibly noisy. White Cockatoos are everywhere. They can be a real pest. Although not uncommon to see Black Cockatoos, they are not a bird we spot every day.

Cassowary. Big, big, big flightless birds. A rainforest species, they are endangered. We had them frequent our house when we lived in the rainforest but we hardly ever see them now.

Eclectus Parrot. Beautiful or what! Their vibrant colours are breath taking. They are common and frequent our back yard.

Wallabies: Very common. They are consistent road kill which saddens us. Because we now live in town we don't have them in our back yard but a drive anywhere around our home results in several spottings of Wallabies.

Paddymelon. This is Boy hand feeding a Paddymelon. They are a small reddish brown wallaby, very cute, shy and common.

Galah. Grey and pink, these are very cute and very cheeky Australian birds. More common in the dry season, we don't see them regularly in our back yard. An Australian slanguage name for a person who is a bit of a fool is "galah."

Ibis. Commonly referred to as the "undertaker bird" (because of the way they look), Ibis' are very common. This one was trying to help itself to our breakfast on the verandah.

Rosella Parrot. These are everywhere. They're really pretty, and noisy. Curious and unafraid they are a common site in back yard trees.

Kangaroo: Boy took this photo of the Kangaroo trying to get away from me. Perhaps it didn't like my perfume. WARNING - Kangaroos can sometimes be aggressive so do not try this at home!

Tawny Frog Mouth Owl. Boy's favorite bird. Have a look at his learning about them: The Tawny Frog Mouth Owl

Jungle Perch. Can you see the fish that Boy is swimming with? Look along the front left toward centre of the picture. He doesn't like it when they come and nibble him.

Mossman Gorge. After a long day of animal auditing what else is a Boy to do but have a swim in one of our local creeks.

We are keen to encourage social understanding and knowledge within our global community of home schoolers. Have a look at an "our community" sharing idea we had. It can be found at the bottom of Scarab Beetles, Winchester House and Social Understanding .

Hope you liked our photographic math audit. We know we live in a beautiful part of the world. Home school and life inspiration is only a look through the window away. What do you think?

If you find these photos inspiring, pop over to the photo contest at An Island Life and vote (between March 9 and 11, 2007) for our natural and tropical Aussie home school inspiration.

All photos by Megan,
except for that one that Boy caught of the Kangaroo trying to hop away from my allure!

Homeschooling Carnival Does the Rounds Again

The 62nd edition of the Carnival of Homeschooling (Mar. 5, 2007) is up over at Tami's Blog.

For those who don't know what a Carnival is, it is a single blog that collates a variety of posts on a specific topic: in this instance, Home Schooling. No one view, political persuasion, religious or educational philosophy is represented.

Home Schoolers across the globe are welcome to submit posts to the weekly Carnivals, to meet new people and to stay current in knowledge about what other home schoolers are doing to home educate their children.

Wander round the Carnival and see what you find in the lucky dip.

How To Be A PERFECT Mother

Let me begin by qualifying that I am not a perfect mother nor am I sure how to get there. I do however know that I have a perfectly wonderful son who thinks I am perfect (and now I've got it in writing from him!).

A friend sent me an email containing some anecdotal research done with second grade children. I found the questions so interesting that I decided to turn them into a writing and reading review home school lesson.

I told Boy that there were some answers from other kids but that I wouldn't show him until after he had answered the questions himself. Boy's written answers, unprompted by or discussed with me, almost made me cry. Just so as there's no mistake that this is indeed Boy's work, I have attached a scan of the first page of the review worksheet I made from the questions.

Below are the questions and answers as came to me on email. The email had no information about the origin of the questions so I am unable to offer credit sorry. I have included Boy's answers as the last response to each question. Just remember that children with Aspergers are literal. It is possible that he was unable to understand the essence of the questions he has answered with ???

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

BOY. To take care.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

BOY. ???

What ingredients are mothers made of ?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Boy. ???

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.

2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

Boy. ???

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

Boy. ???

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?

3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Boy. That he was an idiot.

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Boy. (Note from mother: Not ever a question mark here. It's obviously still a sensitive topic with Boy.)

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

Boy. God

What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.

4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

Boy. Mum's a girl.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

Boy. Looks on her email.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.

2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

Boy. My Mum is perfect!!!

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.

2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.

3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Boy. Nothing.

I was blown away by Boy's last two answers. Moved emotionally like never before, I now know that at least what I have been doing with Boy is appreciated and that he doesn't hate me.

Below is a picture of Boy and I on a recent snorkeling trip on the Great Barrier Reef.